It's been a hard year, ...but I'm back.

Well, it's been a long time since I've posted anything on this blog, but the time has come.

I'm thinking of adopting one of Sara Groves' songs as my theme song for this year. In a year's time, I've lost my closest aunt, a friend whom I deeply loved, and my own father. On top of that, I've had quite a few of my members move away and plans that I had prayed over for our church brought to a screeching hault as a result. Furthermore, I've found some whom I loved and thought of as friends whom I've discovered that I don't even know any more.

It's been a hard year, and I have to admit that I've been shaken. Some things are still difficult for me to accept, but it's getting better. I haven't really been dealing with things for a long time, now. I've just kind of pushed it all down inside and haven't really faced my feelings or hurts--sometimes, even bitterness or confusion. To be sure, the last few years have been a matter of one trial after another, and while I know that they were meant to help me grow, I chose to withdraw because I didn't think I was ready to cope with it all.

Joseph Morgan's death and the death of my father were kind of the straw that broke the camel's back--and broke me, too. There were so many feelings that I wasn't letting myself feel. But on the day before Moriah was born, I began to share with Rebekah and ask for her prayers for me to find the strength in Christ to face it all and receive healing.

If you haven't heard from me in some time, it is because I've been holed up inside trying to keep myself from falling apart. But I have found the courage to emerge once again.

I thank God, every day, for the miracle that He provided with Moriah. I prayed so earnestly that she would be born healthy, and she was far more than just healthy. She is incredible. She didn't even look like a newborn. Her face and skintone and every other feature was absolutely perfect. She looked like she was already a couple of weeks old (and not just in size, either). I'm still in awe of her, as I am of Rebekah as well. I thank God just as deeply for what He has done for Rebekah. She is stronger and healthier after this birth, in spite of all the difficulty she seemed to have, than she has been after the birth of any of our other children.

I prayed so hard, and I will probably share a very special bond with Moriah, because I felt like it was as much of a birth for me--a coming out into life again--as it was for that 9 lbs. 14 ounce little girl.

I won't say that some things don't still hurt, but God has really worked a miracle for me and my family. Just knowing that my dad was saved when he died has been a miracle to me. I still miss him, so much. So many things I wished I had gotten the chance to do with him and share with him. Dad so wanted to see Moriah be born, and I almost called him that afternoon. I've caught myself wanting to call him dozens of times, since he died. So many things that I still want to share with him, and I never got that chance. I miss him. He was just days from coming out to see us, when he died. I so want to pick up the phone and talk to him--to say all the things I never got to say and tell him about all the things that have been happening.

I felt the same way, when Joe died. In fact, there are so many things I want to say to so many people, and I'm not going to be cheated out of it any longer. Expect to hear from me, because life is just too short to live with so many regrets or to take a single day for granted.

I love you all so much, and I think that you'll be hearing from me a lot more often. Between now and then, pray for me, because it's still hard and healing can be a slow, painful process. Still, it is a necessary process--for those we love and who depend on us, as much as it is for ourselves. In the same way, I hope that I can be there to love and support each one of you, when times are equally hard.

Here are the words to that song:

It's been a hard year
But I'm climbing out of the rubble
These lessons are hard
Healing changes are subtle
But every day it's

Less like tearing, more like building
Less like captive, more like willing
Less like breakdown, more like surrender
Less like haunting, more like remember

And I feel you here
And you're picking up the pieces
Forever faithful
It seemed out of my hands, a bad situation
But you are able
And in your hands the pain and hurt
Look less like scars and more like
Character

Less like a prison, more like my room
It's less like a casket, more like a womb
Less like dying, more like transcending
Less like fear, less like an ending

And I feel you here
And you're picking up the pieces
Forever faithful
It seemed out of my hands, a bad situation
But you are able
And in your hands the pain and hurt
Look less like scars

Just a little while ago
I couldn't feel the power or the hope
I couldn't cope, I couldn't feel a thing
Just a little while back
I was desperate, broken, laid out, hoping
You would come

And I need you
And I want you here
And I feel you

And I know you're here
And you're picking up the pieces
Forever faithful
It seemed out of my hands, a bad, bad situation
But you are able

And in your hands the pain and hurt
Look less like scars

And more like
Character

May God bless and keep you all.
Brother Doran